Bela Lugosi Meets a Brooklyn Gorilla

Bela Lugosi as Dracula

Shed a tear for poor Bela Lugosi.

As Brooklyn boy Lenny Bruce quipped, “Bela was a junkie for ten years, cleaned up and dropped dead.” And, it’s sadly true that Lugosi had become addicted to morphine while undergoing medical treatment. It took him many painful years to kick the habit. 

His was a classic case of a film career that started at the top and finished in the sub-basement. Think about it. From Tod Browning’s Dracula to Ed Wood’s Plan 9 From Outer Space. Ouch! 

Bela Lugosi's stand in - Plan 9 From Outer Space
Not the long dead Bela but Ed Wood’s wife’s chiropractor!

And, insult to injury, after a horror movie career spent sucking hind tit to his competitor Boris Karloff, Bela took over from Boris in the Broadway comedy Arsenic and Old Lace.  Getting sloppy seconds was bad enough but Bela had to play a character whose facial scarification was based on Karloff as Frankenstein. The biggest laughs in the play were built on that gag. (I wonder if they did a re-write so that the crazed brother Jonathan was said to resemble Lugosi as Dracula. If not… double ouch.) 

Boris Karloff in Arsenic and Old Lace
Boris and Bela did not belong to a mutual admiration society.

When not appearing in a succession of bargain-basement horror films, poor Bela schlepped around the world in Dracula drag appearing in fleapit revivals of the stuffy old play. An actor friend of mine worked with Lugosi in one such production and reported that the company rehearsed the play without Bela who was only contracted to appear for the final dress rehearsal. And, at that, he would do only a quick walk through of his scenes. Count Dracula actually appears in surprisingly few scenes in the stage version.  And, Bela sure didn’t need the rehearsal, he’d been doing the same tired moves for decades.

The cast was assembled on stage awaiting Lugosi when the theater’s hydraulic lift suddenly cranked into action and slowly raised the floor of the orchestra pit. There stood Bela in full Dracula splendor. The cast formed a receiving line and Bela walked down it shaking and kissing hands while clicking his heels and repeating “I am Lugosi.” He thoroughly charmed the pants off one and all. But, during the performance, my friend was surprised to see buckets of ice in the wings. And, saddened to see Bela thrust his pin-cushion junkie’s arms into the ice to reduce his pain. 

Bela Lugosi in Son of Frankenstein
Bela effortlessly stealing Son of Frankenstein

Some critics dismiss Lugosi as a one trick pony but I think that’s unfair. He created an iconic film character that is instantly recognized around the globe and not many actors can say that. He was deliciously evil as the hunchback Ygor in Son of Frankenstein. And, he was terrific in The Black Cat and in the criminally underrated Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein. If only he had lived, Bela could have feasted on the movie memorabilia boom of the late 50s and 60s. And, I gotta believe that Roger Corman would have cast Bela in his Edgar Allen Poe movies. He would have been perfect casting and big box office along side Vincent Price, Boris Karloff, John Carradine, Basil Rathbone, Peter Lorre and Lon Chaney, Jr.

Bela Lugosi and Lou Costello in Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein
Bela having a ball with Lou Costello

But, hey, they can’t all be gems…

Movie poster for Bela Lugosi Meets a Brooklyn Gorilla
Hey! Don’t blame Brooklyn!

In 1952, our hero was forced/enticed into making the “Poverty Row” comedy-horror flick Bela Lugosi Meets a Brooklyn Gorilla. Now, I am second to no one in my affection for all things Brooklyn and for movies that feature guys in a gorilla suit but even I have my limits. (It’s on YouTube if you dare.) 

Sammy Petrillo and gorilla in Bela Lugosi Meets a Brooklyn Gorilla
Doesn’t look like any of the Brooklyn gorillas I knew.

Bela actually managed to walk through this turkey with style and wit. But, this former Shakespearean actor who had worked with Garbo must have been thinking, “How the fuck did I end up playing second banana to a team of Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis imitators and a schmuck in a gorilla suit?”

Bela Lugosi and Greta Garbo in Ninotchka
Bela having a ball with Garbo in Ninotchka.
What might have been?
Bela Lugosi and gorilla in Bela Lugosi Meets a Brooklyn Gorilla
“How the fuck… ?”

I repeat.

Shed a tear for poor Bela Lugosi. 

Boy Outa Brooklyn a murder-memoir by Jack Antonio 
Image: the smiling face of Steeplechase Park in Coney Island, Brooklyn
Available as an eBook and paperback
amazon.com
amazon.co.uk
And as an eBook here
https://books2read.com/The-Boy-Outa-Brooklyn
 

Elvis in Indy

Ad for '76 after shave lotion - Bicentennial kitsch
Aqua Velva for patriots!

And, this being America’s Bicentennial Summer, Tiny accents her décor with all manner of “1776” memorabilia. She has, in fact, decorated her apartment entirely from late-night TV commercials. True, I don’t spy any paintings from the “Vincent Price Fine Art Collection” – available only at Sears – but I feel sure that a Popeil Pocket Fisherman and Veg-O-Matic lurk in the closet. Everything that can be encased in clear plastic slipcovers is so encased. And, Tiny’s place smells like the burrow of the chain-smoker she is. It doesn’t help that her windows are painted shut. 

Dressed in a floral print housedress and with the two remaining hairs on her head wound around curlers, Tiny leads me into her bedroom. She gets down on all fours to reach her collection of commemorative Elvis Presley liquor bottles stored far under the marital bed. In order to reach the bottles furthest away, Tiny is forced to hike her dress up and arch her back. Thus, she presents to me like a mandrill in heat. Realizing her compromising position, she coyly glances back over her shoulder and, using her most girlish voice purrs, “Now don’t you get no ideas, Buster. I love my husband.” It is a Herculean struggle but somehow, I resist the urge to bury my cock balls-deep in her pert ass. 

Souvenir book of Elvis Presley in Harum Scarum.
The Sheik… er, I mean the King!

Her collection of commemorative Elvis Presley liquor bottles is a wonder to behold. Here are a dozen bottles, containing a variety of spirits, molded to evoke the figure of “The King” at various stages of his career. Here is “Sun Studio Elvis,” young, blond and full of jism, the bottle filled with Jack Daniels. Here is “Harum Scarum Elvis” attired in Sheik garb and filled with Hennessey. Here is “Aloha from Hawaii Elvis” complete with detachable lei and filled with Kahlua. And, Tiny’s favorite, “Viva Las Vegas Elvis” karate-kicking in a white cape and filled with Drambuie. Little do I know as I admire Tiny’s collection of commemorative Elvis Presley liquor bottles that “The King” has but one year to live. 

Boy Outa Brooklyn a murder memoir by Jack Antonio 
Image: The smiling face of Steeplechase Park in Coney Island, Brooklyn.
Available as a paperback and eBook
amazon.com
amazon.co.uk
And as an eBook here
https://books2read.com/The-Boy-Outa-Brooklyn