COVID QUESTION #3

Button with vintage question mark

In the first two exciting instalments of Covid Questions, I raised the vexing question of Covid test reliability and the hidden, ignored, deadly threat of tuberculosis. This time out I’d like to bring your attention to the problem of systemic government and corporate incompetence. 

Okay, I admit it. I’m a curmudgeon. Correction. I’m a Covid curmudgeon. Anyone who isn’t hasn’t been paying attention.

Vintage man hitting forehead
Call me old fashioned but I can’t stand it when anyone (especially anyone in authority) isn’t good at their job.

Sure, we all make mistakes and have bad days at work. But the non-stop fuck-ups and chronic incoherence of those in charge of the Covid response frost my pumpkins.

Case in point:

Your reporter recently flew into Heathrow airport in London where the walls were covered with signs ordering arriving passengers to stay two meters apart  – that’s more than six feet in old money. But, the crack, elite, Covid-security staff at Heathrow forced the arriving passengers into a line that snaked back on itself two, three and four times.

Crowded airport check in
Imagine Heathrow twice this crowded!

This twisted the passengers into a suffocating, huddled mass in which it was impossible to stay even two feet apart. Plus, it was impossible to breathe without inhaling another passenger’s fetid breath and exhaling my own back at them. And we were so locked for ninety excruciating minutes. 

Vintage drawing of man sneezing into hanky
We got off lucky. There are regular reports of passengers being so scrunched for two and even three hours.

I guess the crack, elite, Covid-security staff at Heathrow didn’t get the memo about social distancing. Or, maybe they can’t read English. God knows most of them can barely speak it!

Heck, on my flights into and out of Heathrow, the airline used Covid as an excuse for not giving its customers even a bottle of water. But the airline wasn’t so worried about infection that it wouldn’t sell you one.

Cartoon of boy dying of thirst
So, dehydration at 35,000’ isn’t a health risk, I guess.

Meanwhile, we were packed into the flying metal tube for almost three hours breathing what we’d been warned could be recycled Covid-rich air only to have the airline make a big play of having us de-plane a few rows at a time so Covid couldn’t jump on our asses. I guess the virus slept through the flight until the landing jolted it awake and into attack mode.

I assume the pilot who flew us into England has been flying that route weekly if not daily and should have known the Covid arrival drill.

Vintage ad for Pan American Airlines
That didn’t stop Captain Fuckwit from announcing totally incorrect info about the rules of quarantine in the UK.

Howzat happen?

Another missed memo?

I eventually managed to escape England feeling all the while like I was escaping East Berlin in the depths of the Cold War. Leading up to my flight day, I received numerous ominous emails and texts from the airline and US and UK governments reminding me of the danger of Covid and the necessity to stay home and not travel.

East Berlin border guard
I was warned again and again of the dire consequences that awaited me if I flouted the rules.

In order to fly, I had to pay for an expensive test to prove that I was Covid-free. Before check-in and at check in and even while airborne, I was presented with yet another form to fill in and declaration to sign. All told I had seven separate pages that I had to have on my phone and/or about my person for inspection by the airline and UK and US immigration officials.

Security Guard sleeping
When I arrived in the US, my papers were barely glanced at, not checked, not scanned, not kept and I was waved through. God bless America!

Howzat for government and corporate competence and vigilance? 

Here’s more Covid craziness –

Many live-in carers and spouses who are living in close proximity to infected patients and partners are not getting infected by this “super bug” that we are told can leap tall buildings in a single bound. Remember we had been warned that Covid is so infectious we had to quarantine our groceries in special rooms for days to kill the virulent pest.

elderly couple cuddling
But living with an infected person? No problemo.

 Meanwhile… didja notice they don’t even talk about gloves anymore? Hmmmnnn…

Enough with the questions already.

Vintage drawing Coming Soon
Stay tuned coz next time out your reporter will offer the first of his Covid Answers. Sure to amaze and offend.

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Boy Outa Brooklyn a murder-memoir by jack Antonio
Available as a paperback and eBook from amazon.com and amazon.co.uk and as an eBook here