COVID QUESTION #3

Button with vintage question mark

In the first two exciting instalments of Covid Questions, I raised the vexing question of Covid test reliability and the hidden, ignored, deadly threat of tuberculosis. This time out I’d like to bring your attention to the problem of systemic government and corporate incompetence. 

Okay, I admit it. I’m a curmudgeon. Correction. I’m a Covid curmudgeon. Anyone who isn’t hasn’t been paying attention.

Vintage man hitting forehead
Call me old fashioned but I can’t stand it when anyone (especially anyone in authority) isn’t good at their job.

Sure, we all make mistakes and have bad days at work. But the non-stop fuck-ups and chronic incoherence of those in charge of the Covid response frost my pumpkins.

Case in point:

Your reporter recently flew into Heathrow airport in London where the walls were covered with signs ordering arriving passengers to stay two meters apart  – that’s more than six feet in old money. But, the crack, elite, Covid-security staff at Heathrow forced the arriving passengers into a line that snaked back on itself two, three and four times.

Crowded airport check in
Imagine Heathrow twice this crowded!

This twisted the passengers into a suffocating, huddled mass in which it was impossible to stay even two feet apart. Plus, it was impossible to breathe without inhaling another passenger’s fetid breath and exhaling my own back at them. And we were so locked for ninety excruciating minutes. 

Vintage drawing of man sneezing into hanky
We got off lucky. There are regular reports of passengers being so scrunched for two and even three hours.

I guess the crack, elite, Covid-security staff at Heathrow didn’t get the memo about social distancing. Or, maybe they can’t read English. God knows most of them can barely speak it!

Heck, on my flights into and out of Heathrow, the airline used Covid as an excuse for not giving its customers even a bottle of water. But the airline wasn’t so worried about infection that it wouldn’t sell you one.

Cartoon of boy dying of thirst
So, dehydration at 35,000’ isn’t a health risk, I guess.

Meanwhile, we were packed into the flying metal tube for almost three hours breathing what we’d been warned could be recycled Covid-rich air only to have the airline make a big play of having us de-plane a few rows at a time so Covid couldn’t jump on our asses. I guess the virus slept through the flight until the landing jolted it awake and into attack mode.

I assume the pilot who flew us into England has been flying that route weekly if not daily and should have known the Covid arrival drill.

Vintage ad for Pan American Airlines
That didn’t stop Captain Fuckwit from announcing totally incorrect info about the rules of quarantine in the UK.

Howzat happen?

Another missed memo?

I eventually managed to escape England feeling all the while like I was escaping East Berlin in the depths of the Cold War. Leading up to my flight day, I received numerous ominous emails and texts from the airline and US and UK governments reminding me of the danger of Covid and the necessity to stay home and not travel.

East Berlin border guard
I was warned again and again of the dire consequences that awaited me if I flouted the rules.

In order to fly, I had to pay for an expensive test to prove that I was Covid-free. Before check-in and at check in and even while airborne, I was presented with yet another form to fill in and declaration to sign. All told I had seven separate pages that I had to have on my phone and/or about my person for inspection by the airline and UK and US immigration officials.

Security Guard sleeping
When I arrived in the US, my papers were barely glanced at, not checked, not scanned, not kept and I was waved through. God bless America!

Howzat for government and corporate competence and vigilance? 

Here’s more Covid craziness –

Many live-in carers and spouses who are living in close proximity to infected patients and partners are not getting infected by this “super bug” that we are told can leap tall buildings in a single bound. Remember we had been warned that Covid is so infectious we had to quarantine our groceries in special rooms for days to kill the virulent pest.

elderly couple cuddling
But living with an infected person? No problemo.

 Meanwhile… didja notice they don’t even talk about gloves anymore? Hmmmnnn…

Enough with the questions already.

Vintage drawing Coming Soon
Stay tuned coz next time out your reporter will offer the first of his Covid Answers. Sure to amaze and offend.

____________________________

Boy Outa Brooklyn a murder-memoir by jack Antonio
Available as a paperback and eBook from amazon.com and amazon.co.uk and as an eBook here

COVID QUESTION #1

Vintage question mark

I had put my CDs and LPs in alphabetical order and was hunting for something else to fill my empty day when I decided to throw caution to the wind and send away for one of those snazzy, jet-age Covid-19 test-at-home kits. (Not available in stores.)  

The kit arrived a few days later in discrete plain brown wrapper and I opened it with trembling hands

Young boy opening a glowing box
Not since I got my Captain Video Magic Decoder Ring in the mail had I been so excited. I had a chance to be the first kid on my block to test positive for Covid.  

The test instructions were simple enough. I had to deep throat a Q-tip then jam said implement up each nostril and wiggle it around five times while facing West and whistling Dixie before sticking it into a small vial of magic elixir and mailing the sample back to the lab for the results. 

X-ray of nail being driven up a nose
Okay, so, it was a little trickier than I said. I had to place that swab just right or it meant instant lobotomy.

Then I read the small print. 

Mind you, this was a UK government approved Covid-19 test. The small print on the package clearly stated that a negative result did not mean I did not have Covid-19 and a positive result did not mean I did have Covid-19. But, wait, don’t touch that dial, there’s more … if perchance I got a positive result it was likely that the test had picked up a remnant of flu in my system.

Waaaiiittt one pea pickin’ minute here…  

Vintage cartoon of man scratching his head
Didn’t many scientists say a year ago that Covid was just the flu?

Hmmmnnn… so people are released from quarantine (or not) and allowed to fly (or not) or allowed to work (or not) based on the results of tests that the testers themselves admit are bullshit. 

What was that about spikes in cases? Cases of what exactly?

Pay attention in the back…

The hallowed NY Times reported that the most widely used test in the US was returning 93% false positives! 

The Supreme Court of Portugal found their test was returning 97% false positives!

A major lab in California could find no Covid in thousands of supposedly positive samples. 

Remember these facts the next time you are fed scare stories about a spike in Covid cases in Sweden which is (Ahem) doing just fine without lockdown.

Ya ask me these Covid cases are as phoney as a three dollar bill. They are as fake as the “derivatives” wished into being by those nice vampire-capitalists at Goldman Sachs. You remember, those “investment packages” that contained nothing but debt, were worth bupkis and nearly bankrupted us all back on 2008.

Hassids dumpster diving
A Goldman Sachs shareholder meeting in progress.

Folks, ya gotta know the real thing from the counterfeit.

As we say in Brooklyn, “Ya gotta know shit from Shinola.”

As Cole Porter said, “Is this the real turtle soup or merely the mock? Is this Granada I see or only Asbury Park?”

I’m reminded of these other plain-speaking truth-tellers.

Sam Goldwyn
Movie mogul Sam Goldwyn said, “Verbal agreements aren’t worth the paper they’re written on.”  
John Nance Garner
John Nance Garner, FDR’s VP said, “Being Vice President isn’t worth a bucket of warm piss. ”
The Steeplechase Park "Happy Face"
Jack Antonio said, “This pandemic is a media-massaged, politically manipulated mass-hysteria and popular delusion. Don’t be a chump. Don’t fall for it.”

_______________________

Boy Outa Brooklyn a murder-memoir by Jack Antonio
Available as an eBook and paperback from amazon.com and amazon.co.uk and as an ebook here