STOP THE PRESSES! #4

Retro cartoon of an old time newspaper boy.
Here’s my latest hard-boiled homage to the tough-guy reporters of yesteryear – Walter Winchell and Jimmy Cannon.

Get this straight – George Floyd died of a fentanyl overdose while resisting arrest. Get over it . . . The ugliest thing on two legs is any dame with tattoos on those legs . . . Take this to the bank – Roosevelt and Churchill knew Pearl Harbor was coming and let it happen. Brave souls dared to say it was a set-up as the ships were still smouldering . . . One foreign spy even sent the US military his secret photos of the Japs’ table top model of their attack. Those pix were deliberately buried . . .

Day of Infamy by John Toland
Read it and weep.

FDR was such an invalid that his doctors let him work only four hours a day . . .  His own party wanted to dump him . . . The slimy Roosevelt clung on to power and spent most of his presidency convalescing on boat and train trips that were disguised as government business . . . Jimmy Byrnes of South Carolina was the real president . . .  

James Byrnes with wife and dog.
The president you never heard of, uh… the one on the right.
FDR in leg braces
A rare photo of FDR’s leg braces.

The memoirs and diaries of reporters and diplomats reveal how shocked they were when they first met FDR and saw how sick and weak he was . . . The press protected FDR as it later protected JFK – another very sick man who was presented to America as an athlete full of vigor . . .

JFK in back brace
Ironically, the back-brace JFK wore kept his back straight but also kept him upright in the limo and open to the fatal head shot.

Had JFK survived his assassination in Dallas, his underlying health problems would have killed him during his second term . . . JFK was a notorious “Wham, bam, thank ya mam” Romeo. The amphetemine shots he got from a notorious “Dr. Feelgood” made him super horny and super fast . . .

Angie Dickinson.
Angie Dickinson fucked JFK and quipped, “It was the most exciting ninety seconds of my life.”

Speaking of speed – Fast One by Paul Cain is one of the all-time great hard-boiled crime novels . . . It was written in 1932 but makes tough-guy tomes written decades later read like sissy-stuff . . .

Poster of the film The Black Cat
Cain also wrote the screenplay for the underrated Karloff-Lugosi horror film The Black Cat
Boris Karloff in The Black Cat.
Karloff’s character in The Black Cat was based on the English Satanist Aleister Crowley.

Take this to the bank – Prohibition worked. It vastly reduced alcoholism and deaths from drunk driving . . . The movies and documentaries you’ve seen mocking Prohibition were made by people who had skin in the liquor racket . . . Algonquin Roundtable wits Dorothy Parker and Robert Benchley shared a subscription to a funeral industry magazine . . .

Cartoon of Dorothy Parker and Robert Benchley
The morbid duo washed with the same soap that morticians use on corpses

As long as we’re on the subject of soap – the holocaust mongers no longer claim the Germans turned Jews into soap. They’ve dropped that hooey about Jews being made into lampshades, too . . . It was a braver man than I who ate the first oyster . . .

Vintage ad for skin lightener
Many African-American millionaires made their fortunes selling skin lightener and hair straightener.
Madame CJ Walker
Yeah but they don’t tell you how the bitch made her millions.

Blacks, Asians and Orientals still punish their bodies in a hopeless attempt to look White. Don’t believe me? Check out the ads in the back of their magazines . . . Your reporter thinks they should stop this mutilation . . . Attila the Hun was very short but Napoleon was of average height . . . Sigmund Freud was a complete and conscious fraud . . . Siggie was also a dreadful GP and a lethal surgeon . . . He dredged his toxic theories up out of his personal sexual sewer and simply stole and invented the rest . . . Freud, who was Jewish, wrote to friends that he needed neurotic middle-class Jewish women as patients since they were not really ill and would never get well . . .

Sigmund Freud by Frederick Crews
What Freud said that was true wasn’t new and what he said that was new wasn’t true.

These days no self-respecting shrink uses Freudianism which is now considered the phrenology of the 20th century . . .  

Phrenological head

Today’s savvy shrinks look at the family photos of their patients coz all the pain and problems are on full display . . . Sound wacky? Visit the Freud Museum in London and cast your eyes over the Freud family album. It’s bleedin’ obvious that Freud was a sadistic creep . . .

Young Joseph Smith the Mormon prophet.
The Mormon Prophet Joseph Smith was another conscious fraud. But he came to believe his own hokum and became the most fascinating figure in American religious history

Shortly before his assassination in 1844, Smith spoke as one who knew he was about to die. He gazed into eternity and preached profound and terrifying truths about the nature of God and man . . .

George Fox founder of the Quakers
George Fox who founded the Quakers in the 1600s taught that there were men on the moon.
Quaker Oats box
Joseph Smith who founded Mormonism in the 1830s agreed that there were men on the moon but they looked like Quakers!

Sorry to go against the grain but I’ve never joined the cheerleading for The Great Gatsby . . . Give me Fitzgerald’s essays about the Roaring ’20s. They are masterpieces . . . Even better is Appointment in Samarra written by Fitzgeralds’s close friend John O’Hara . . .

Cover of Appointment in Samarra by John O'Hara
The Great American novel? Maybe.

After Barry Goldwater’s landslide defeat to Johnson in 1964 and when the Republican Party was at its lowest point in history, John O’Hara boldly predicted a Republican victory in 1968 . . . This newshound knows that when the mainstream media ridicules someone that someone is worth a second look . . . Take another gander at Silvio Berlusconi. He was the only leader to oppose the removal of Gaddafi and predicted that the fall of Libya would produce a flood of migrants from Africa into Europe . . .

Silvio Berlusconi
Now, ask yourself – who mocked Silvio and why?

I’ve never made it all the way through Some Like It Hot . . .  Say, don’t call me daffy – if Boris Johnson wanted to, he could stop the invasion of rapeugees into England via the Channel in a heartbeat . . . Wes Montgomery was a great jazz guitarist but I’ll take Kenny Burrell . . .

Kenny Burrell
Great guitarist. Great musician. Great teacher. The bum can sing, too!

If it weren’t for White fans both jazz and blues would have died decades ago . . . On the last day of his presidency Bill Clinton (acting against the advice of his aides) pardoned the Jewish criminal Mark Rich and the Jewish terrorist Susan Rosenberg . . .

Susan Rosenberg terrorist and BLM leader.
Call me old fashioned but I’ll take Angie Dickinson over this Hebraic hag any day.

Meanwhile – the more things change the more they remain the same . . .

The Jews behind the NAACP

Legend has it that L. Ron Hubbard founded the Church of Scientology on a bet with other sci-fi writers . . . Sssshhh, it’s an open secret that one of the top sci-fi writers lived for years on his own tropical island where he indulged his taste for young boys . . . The African country of Liberia was founded in 1822 under President James Monroe . . .

Monrovia, Liberia
That’s why Liberia’s lovely capital is named Monrovia.

Liberia was to be a haven and fresh start for freed American slaves . . . The first thing those freed slaves did when they got back home to Africa was get slaves . . . Meanwhile, on the other side of Africa . . .

Somali man with bloody head.
Somalis have the lowest IQs on earth aside from Australian aborigines.

Try this on for size – Minnesota has more Somalis than anywhere on earth aside from Somalia.

Burning store in Minneapolis during BLM riots.
What could possibly go wrong?
Boy Outa Brooklyn a murder-memoir by Jack Antonio
Available as an eBook here and as a paperback and ebook from amazon.com and amazon.co.uk
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