Quackery – Page 5 – Boy Outa Brooklyn

Doctor Jesus

Televangelist and Christian healer, Morris Cerrullo. — **Danny DeVito’s evil twin.**

My un-Holy Trinity of dark influences draws me to a Christian healing service in London lead by the American televangelist Morris Cerullo. He is a Danny DeVito look-a-like, only shorter. I am one of a handful of White faces inside the cavernous convention center and, by the time I arrive, the Black congregants are already in full orgiastic swing. African women in their thousands, dressed in their Easter finery, are cumming like freight trains. Lemme tell ya, when Jesus jumps on their asses, these Afro-babes can sho’ nuff shake dat thang – “Oh yes, yes. Ohhh, Sweet Jesus. YESSSS, MY LAWD, AYYEEEE!” And, Morris hasn’t even hit the stage yet. Then he hits and the roof comes off. The women are rolling around on the floor barking like dogs and scrambling after their dislodged Easter bonnets. Hilarious and horrifying.

Star of stage and screen Danny DeVito. — **Morris Cerrullo’s evil twin.**

Boy Outa Brooklyn a murder memoir by Jack Antonio
Image: The smiling face of Steeplechase Park in Coney Island, Brooklyn — Available as a paperback and eBook
amazon.com
amazon.co.uk
And as an eBook here

Comic-book Cosmic Consciousness

Vintage comic-book ad for The Rosicrucians. — **Sirhan Sirhan’s mystery school of choice.**

The Rosicrucians are those mail-order mystics who promise to teach you the “Wisdom of the Ancients” in weekly installments. (Sirhan Sirhan, Robert Kennedy’s assassin, was a Rosicrucian and look what all that ancient wisdom did for him!) I first meet The Rosicrucians in comic books. Their ads about seeing into the future are next to ads for x-ray glasses for seeing through women’s clothes. The Rosicrucians claim to go all the way back to Ancient Egypt but actually only go all the way back to San Jose.

Vintage comic-book ad for X-Ray Specs. — **Every Brooklyn boy’s dream!**

Confessions of a Dianetics Drop-out

L. Ron Hubbard demonstrates his invention the E-Meter. — **The Master with his finger on the pulse of something or other.**

No doubt about it – my un-Holy Trinity of stimuli makes me the man I am today – the man who voluntarily takes the Scientology Personality Test on each side of the Atlantic and thereby experiences a telling example of the vast cultural divide between Britain and America.

In London, unattractive Scientology losers strong-arm passers-by into a grimy storefront.
In Hollywood, attractive Scientology losers seduce passers-by into a glitzy headquarters.

Desperation vs. Décolletage

But, I’m a walk-in. No need to strong-arm or seduce me. Heck, I’d follow this aging Hollywood-blonde with ginormous silicone-wazoos anywhere. Yes, I confess that twice I take the Scientology Personality Test. I ruminate mightily over the questions and answer them honestly. Yet, twice, I fail.

Q. Are you comfortable in the presence of children?

A. Only if they are restrained, unarmed or deceased.

Q. Do you enjoy sex?

A. Not if it involves people, pelicans or potato salad.